I hear you. That is the main reason why I started to go so deep into myself.
I am selling my company, building up a new one — company with a team, or self-employed – absolutely no difference in my income level. What am I doing wrong? I asked from fellow entrepreneurs. They shrugged their shoulders. Until one coach told me – that’s simple; you’re not valuing yourself.
Let me tell you. I was shocked. I thought I felt good about myself. I was courageous and active. And have had a history of being proud of. How come I don’t value myself?! And I started digging into this question.
After two years now, I have grown so much and have found out so many unconscious beliefs I have that keep me from having the income level (and other stuff in life, like being a great and calm mom, having a great body, and excellent health) I’ve always wanted.
My situation today is that I’ve got a so-called BALANCE between work and family. This means that I don’t beat myself up when being home with kids, with the demand that “I should be working right now” and vice-versa when working. So I’m able to enjoy every moment of my life. Income wise – My income level is still the same, but I WORK WAY LESS. Instead of 8-10hours a day, I now work 2-5 hours a week (and I actually ask myself, do I work after all, because I LOVE WHAT I DO).
What does it mean not to value yourself?
I didn’t quite get it for a long time either. Self-worth (and especially low self-worth) is a common phenomenon among so many entrepreneurs, especially those raised by demanding parents.
Low self-worthiness often reflects the fact that a person thinks he/she is not good enough. Example entrepreneurs won’t turn to more significant customers, saying that they are too big for my company (I can’t handle them), I want to work with small companies, and other excuses.
Or another one, successful people laugh when somebody says they’re successful. They think this is no success. Anyone can do it. That’s nothing, although they have accomplished more than most of the humankind ever will.
Mothers often reflect self-worthiness in childcare. For example, when I hired a nanny, I felt like a bad mom because I’m not spending time with my kid. Whoa. I have lot’s of examples in that field 😀
Income or money-wise. We don’t buy the things to ourselves we desire (and agree with cheaper choices). For example I once went to a training in Finland, and when looking for accommodation, I booked the cheapest one that I could find in that area. Well, that was my worst experience ever – An hour of a bus ride to and from the training location, awful kitchen corner in the household, and no standards in the room (in my opinion). I just felt miserable. And all that for some ten-s of euros. That was my last time making this mistake again, but it was a great wake-up call – How am I treating myself?!!!
We pay to everyone else first and believe that we’ll get “there” to spend our own money one day. Here’s also why we don’t save any money.
We make emotional purchases like buying a new dress and feel suddenly more confident. We often buy clothes, eat in a fancy restaurant, buy a car or a home to impress others, or prove that we belong somewhere. Why? Because we want to be loved. But that is the direct reflection that we do not love and worthy ourselves as we are. And so-called measure ourselves by the things we have or by the things we have accomplished.
There are so many more examples in different areas of our lives, but I hope these examples give you the first input to reflect people’s low self-worth.
Beliefs that keep you in your current income level
Many typical beliefs that whole nations carry in their unconscious mind prevent them from becoming wealthy. The most popular ones, for example:
- Money doesn’t grow on trees
- Time is Money (Time = Money)
- You have to work hard for your money ( Work = Worth)
- It takes money to make money
- Easy come, easy go
- Money won’t make you happy (There’s more to life than money)
- Money is evil
We get the beliefs from our cultures, from the people we are the closest with and from our family and especially parents. The inner circle is the one that makes us unique by the limiting beliefs as well.
For example, one of my biggest discoveries in limiting beliefs, my WOW, was that unconsciously I’m doing everything to keep my income level lower than my partners’ income level. WHY? Because I believe that men are afraid of powerful (read rich) women, especially those who value themselves. According to my beliefs, men think that these women are arrogant and selfish. And because of that, men don’t love them and don’t want to be with them. Or if they are, it’s only because of their money. Money=power in my mind, and men have to feel power over women; otherwise they don’t love them. So, in conclusion, in my mind, I’m not lovable by my partner if I earn more than he does. Thinking worthiness wise… I’m not lovable because of ME, but because of having power over me… what a messed up belief system is that… of course, it limits me.
Where does it come from? We’ll basically, I just described my family’s model. My father was the one who had all the right (read power) in our family because he brought the money (earned more than my mother did). When he got into struggle and mom started to earn more. Well, that’s when the problems between mom and dad started to occur. And me, as a little girl, learned from it. No further explanations are needed, I guess.
The good thing is I have discovered it, and now I’m able to deal with it. The question is, WHAT IS HOLDING YOU BACK.
To get the clue, I would recommend working with a coach, especially if you haven’t worked with yourself before. We often don’t see (or don’t want to see, because of our beliefs) the deepest things that are holding us back. But your success really depends on the level of your desire to become wealthy (raise your income level).